Iraq, the 51st State

It’s time to make Iraq the 51st state. It would be a great way to fix the mess over there. We’re obviously in Iraq to guarantee access to oil and to please Israel. Democracy in Iraq is a nice notion, but it’s not there now and could be decades in getting there. So, let’s drop the pretense and make Iraq our 51st state and gather them into a democracy. We get exclusive access to vast oil fields; they get all the benefits of statehood including Federal Aid for all those nasty sand storms.

Issue shares of oil stock to each resident of the state of Iraq. That should make them very happy. The rest of us in the US will be happy because the war will be over, and we’ll have enough gas to fill our guzzling SUVs into the next century. Halliburton will be the only loser, but they’ve already made a zillion dollars so let’s not feel sorry for them.

Oh, you say, Iraq would never give up centuries of Muslim tradition to embrace the values of the western Infidels. Middle class American life with beer, shopping malls, and a nice pick-up truck up against Medieval morass, gloom, and terror. Hmmm.

Iraq will want an NFL franchise, of course. The Baghdad BOMBERS sounds good to me although OILERS is available again. Those suicide bombers would make great Special Teams players.