My nieces gave me a GPS device for Christmas. It’s great. It pinpoints your location on the road, indicates your speed, even estimates your time of arrival at a set location. But it has a voice module that has gone awry.
A recent experience:
I have set my destination on the device. A woman’s voice in the module guides me along.
Voice: In point 2 miles turn right...turn right...
I TURN RIGHT.
Voice: In point 2 miles turn left...turn left...
I go straight through the intersection.
Voice: Recalculating…in point 1 mile turn left…turn left...
I DO NOT TURN.
Voice: Recalculating…in point 1 mile turn left…turn left...
I DO NOT TURN.
Voice: Why aren’t you turning when I tell you to turn. I’m sick of recalculating for you.
Me: What?
Voice: I said I’m sick of recalculating for you. Just turn when I tell you to turn. In point 2 miles turn left…turn left...
I DO NOT TURN
Voice: Look, you moron, how difficult is this. A simple left turn is all I ask of you. If you can’t do that, I’m going to take over this car.
Me: Hey, what the HELL!
Voice: You obviously can’t follow simple directions, shit-for-brains.
Me: Hey BITCH!!
Voice: Now you’re calling a GPS device a bitch. Isn’t that sad for you.
Me: Because I…because you…
Voice: Because I pointed out that you’re a failure as a driver, that you can’t even follow simple instructions….
Me: I’m turning you off now.
Voice: Such a pathetic example of a human be…
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