Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Monday, January 26, 2009
Loving Your GPS
My nieces gave me a GPS device for Christmas. It’s great. It pinpoints your location on the road, indicates your speed, even estimates your time of arrival at a set location. But it has a voice module that has gone awry.
A recent experience:
I have set my destination on the device. A woman’s voice in the module guides me along.
Voice: In point 2 miles turn right...turn right...
I TURN RIGHT.
Voice: In point 2 miles turn left...turn left...
I go straight through the intersection.
Voice: Recalculating…in point 1 mile turn left…turn left...
I DO NOT TURN.
Voice: Recalculating…in point 1 mile turn left…turn left...
I DO NOT TURN.
Voice: Why aren’t you turning when I tell you to turn. I’m sick of recalculating for you.
Me: What?
Voice: I said I’m sick of recalculating for you. Just turn when I tell you to turn. In point 2 miles turn left…turn left...
I DO NOT TURN
Voice: Look, you moron, how difficult is this. A simple left turn is all I ask of you. If you can’t do that, I’m going to take over this car.
Me: Hey, what the HELL!
Voice: You obviously can’t follow simple directions, shit-for-brains.
Me: Hey BITCH!!
Voice: Now you’re calling a GPS device a bitch. Isn’t that sad for you.
Me: Because I…because you…
Voice: Because I pointed out that you’re a failure as a driver, that you can’t even follow simple instructions….
Me: I’m turning you off now.
Voice: Such a pathetic example of a human be…
A recent experience:
I have set my destination on the device. A woman’s voice in the module guides me along.
Voice: In point 2 miles turn right...turn right...
I TURN RIGHT.
Voice: In point 2 miles turn left...turn left...
I go straight through the intersection.
Voice: Recalculating…in point 1 mile turn left…turn left...
I DO NOT TURN.
Voice: Recalculating…in point 1 mile turn left…turn left...
I DO NOT TURN.
Voice: Why aren’t you turning when I tell you to turn. I’m sick of recalculating for you.
Me: What?
Voice: I said I’m sick of recalculating for you. Just turn when I tell you to turn. In point 2 miles turn left…turn left...
I DO NOT TURN
Voice: Look, you moron, how difficult is this. A simple left turn is all I ask of you. If you can’t do that, I’m going to take over this car.
Me: Hey, what the HELL!
Voice: You obviously can’t follow simple directions, shit-for-brains.
Me: Hey BITCH!!
Voice: Now you’re calling a GPS device a bitch. Isn’t that sad for you.
Me: Because I…because you…
Voice: Because I pointed out that you’re a failure as a driver, that you can’t even follow simple instructions….
Me: I’m turning you off now.
Voice: Such a pathetic example of a human be…
Friday, January 23, 2009
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Inaugural Facts
President Harrison has the dual distinction among all the Presidents of giving the longest inaugural speech and of serving the shortest term of office. The former general of the Indian campaigns delivered an hour-and-forty-five-minute Inaugural speech in a snowstorm. He mentioned somewhere along the way that every American had the right to act like an idiot whenever he or she so desired.
The 68-year-old President stood outside for the entire proceeding, greeted crowds of well-wishers at the White House later that day, and attended several celebrations that evening. One month later he died of pneumonia.
The 68-year-old President stood outside for the entire proceeding, greeted crowds of well-wishers at the White House later that day, and attended several celebrations that evening. One month later he died of pneumonia.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)